Email: lome@guidance2growth.co.za
Cell: 082 453 8132
011 794 6383


Medi-Focus, 691 Taurus Avenue, Sundowner

Hartbeespoort Medical Centre
387 Beethoven Street, Hartbeespoort

Keep the flame alive – 12 tips for married couples

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  1. Learn how to communicate and resolve conflict

Marital satisfaction has an absolute positive relationship with good communication. Couples who are able to share their thoughts and feelings and really listen to their partners, are more likely to experience marital satisfaction. A popular communication process used is called the “Imago Dialogue”, where partners are asked to mirror the messages of their partner and to validate and empathise with their messages. Conflict is a normal part of any relationship, so learning how to use conflict to deepen the connection with your spouse is the key to a happy marriage.

  1. Give each other space, but have regular connection

“Space” might mean something different to different people. So whether you encourage your partner to spend time with his friends, or draw your girlfriend a warm bath so she can spend time in solitude, figure out what your partner needs to not feel smothered. According to research some distance in a relationship can actually fuel passion, so creating healthy distance can build up your relationship for the future.

  1. Have LOTS of fun

Couples who laugh together, stay together. Draw up a list of fun activities that you can do together and plan to regularly do activities from these lists. Laughter has a great physiological effect, as it elevates the level of serotonin and dopamine (happy hormones) secreted in your body and will help you both to feel more attracted and connected with your spouse.

  1. Learn how to ask for what you need

“If my partner really loved me and knew me, he/she would know what I need and how to give it to me”… an assumption I hear regularly from couples in trouble. Our partners are often our opposites and really have very different needs and different love languages. So, couples who are able to specifically communicate what they want are much more likely to feel fulfilled. Try to communicate your needs to your partner in specific terms, and help him/her understand why you have these needs.

  1. Stop the blaming and stop the exits

I have had so many couples walk out my door without experiencing change, because they are not able to stop the blaming. Somehow it becomes easier for us to make our partners the enemy or the ones to blame. But as long as this continues, connection is not possible.

Couples also often exit their relationships, when the pain or frustration becomes too intense. We exit by having affairs, through pornography, alcohol abuse. Sometimes we exit by intentionally withdrawing our attention from our marriage and placing it on work, our kids or ourselves. If you want your marriage to work, you need to stop the exits and bring the energy back to your relationship.

  1. Appreciate what’s good

A recent Berkeley study has shown that couples who display regular appreciations towards each other are less likely to break up in the next nine months and experience a deeper commitment towards the relationship. Create a time in your daily routine where you can offer small appreciations towards each other on a regular basis (i.e. at the dinner table, just before going to bed etc.).

  1. Understand the dynamics of your relationship

Most couples fight about the same thing over and over again. Understanding our own needs, fears and beliefs about certain recurring events in our relationship will help you to move forward. If you are really struggling to do this on your own, attend a couple’s workshop or find a therapist that can you help you to move past recurring conflicts to a more connected future.

  1. Attend a couples workshop

I suggest to all my clients to regularly attend a couple’s workshop (every few years) as an investment into your relationship future. Couples workshops help you to refocus on what you want out of your marriage and help to put your frustrations and hurts into perspective. It also helps you to rekindle passion.

  1. Make room for regular and playful sex

Sex should be a joyful expression of the intimacy that exists between you and your partner. Draw up a list of sexual caring behaviors and take turns in enacting these within your relationship. Always respect your partner’s boundaries in the bedroom, and never use sex as a manipulation tool or reward system. Sex is a basic human need and is an important part of any happy marriage.

  1. Make a caring behaviors list

Make a list of behaviors that your partner can display to show you that he/she cares about you. We call this a caring behaviors list. This then becomes a “cheat sheet” for your partner, so that he/she is able to display target driven behavior towards you and to ensure that it has the desirable effect. The concept of love languages is a useful tool in this regard.

  1. Take responsibility for your own baggage

Honestly look at the things that you do, that brings disconnection into your relationship. We often foster irrational beliefs, exaggerated feelings and unrealistic expectations. Understand the influence of your past (especially your childhood) and how your own baggage is making it difficult for you to experience connection. Sometimes it may be difficult to deal with your own “baggage” and you might need professional help in this regard.

  1. Take the first step

Be the change you want to see in the world. Einstein said that it is foolishness to expect a different result if you keep on doing the same things. So, take the first step and you will see a change in your relationship. If you feel unimportant, go out of your way to make your partner feel important. If you need space, show your partner that you care. If you constantly feel criticised, show your partner your support.

The next Imago Couplehood workshop will be held on 30-31 July at La Vue guesthouse. To register contact lome@guidance2growth.co.za.

Kinders groot maak in ‘n digitale era – hoe gemaak?

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Tegnologie kan positiewe of negatiewe uitwerkings op kinders se ontwikkeling he, en daarom is dit uiters belangrik dat jy en jou man ingeligte besluite hierondom neem en sterk beheer toepas op jul kinders se tegnologiese verbruik.

Daar is studies wat al bewys het dat te veel tegnologie-tyd negatiewe impakte kan he op jou kind se slaap roetine, aandag span, fisiese toestand, gedrag en IK. Kinders wat te veel televisie kyk is geneig om meer aggressiewe gedrag te toon en sukkel meer dikwels op skool.

Hier is ‘n paar riglyne:

  • Kinders onder 2 jaar moet minimaal aan televisie of tablette blootgestel word.
  • Kinders ouer as 2 jaar se tegnologie tyd moet beperk word tot 1-2 ure ‘n dag.
  • Pas streng beheer toe, sodat jou kinders slegs toegalaat word om opvoedkundige programme en speletjies te sien. Jy moet kies wat hulle kyk, nie anders om nie.
  • Maak seker dat die TV programme ouderdom relevant is. Baie van die teken prente op televisie is eintlik geskryf vir ouer kinders, en kinders jonger as 8 jaar moet gladnie hieraan blootgestel word nie.
  • Probeer om saam jou kinders TV te kyk of speletjies te speel, so kan jy meer noukeurig beheer toe pas.
  • Moet nooit die TV of tablet as opasser gebruik nie. Probeer eerder om tegnologie tyd in te bou in ‘n roetine, sodat die kinders duidelikheid het oor die reels rondom tegnologie.
  • Moet nooit ‘n TV in jou kind se kamer sit nie.
  • Stel ‘n voorbeeld vir jou kinders rondom tegnologie verbruik.
  • Moenie as ‘n gesin voor die TV eet nie. Maak etenstyd ‘n gesins aktiwiteit waarin julle gesig-tot-gesig interaksies aanmoedig.
  • Fokus daarop om ander pret aktiwiteite in jou kinders se roetine in te bring. Veral aktiwiteite wat gesinstyd en omgewing eksplorasie aanmoedig.
  • Probeer om ‘n liefde vir lees by jou kinders te kweek. Hierdie is ‘n baie gesonde alternatief tot TV.

 

Can our marriage survive infertility?

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Approximately 10% of women worldwide struggle with infertility, and when undergoing infertility tremendous pressure is put on the relationship especially in terms of communication, emotional connection and sexual intimacy. Furthermore, men and women deal with infertility in many different ways, and even this often leads to marriage conflict.

 

The pressure, disappointment, despondency and sadness that often accompanies infertility, emphasises the importance of consciously focusing more time and effort on your relationship during this difficult time, to ensure that your marriage does not pay the price in the end.

 

So, how can I better deal with infertility and build up my marriage in the process:

  • Talk to each other about your feelings and needs on a regular basis. Each person reacts differently and has unique needs, so be sensitive to what each partner requires to cope with the situation.
  • Bring fun aspects back into your relationship, especially in the bedroom. Do adventurous activities together, laugh together and be playful.
  • Try to live and think in a more balanced way – don’t allow your plans to fall pregnant to overpower everything else. Try to focus on the things that are good in your life.
  • Educate yourself about infertility and your unique situation, so you are better equipped as a couple to make decisions about treatment and future options. But also beware of obsessive behavior – too much information could also be detrimental.
  • Get healthy coping mechanisms. Avoidance is not a healthy way of coping, so don’t retract from your friends and family, even if they are pregnant.
  • Research shows that the following coping mechanisms can be advantageous for your own coping, your marriage and your chances of falling pregnant:
    • Social support: regularly talk to friends, family and professionals about your emotions, thoughts, fears and experiences
    • Planful problem solving: take all possible actions to find solutions to your situation and talk to your partner about the different options you have
    • Positive re-appraisal: re-evaluate your experience of infertility to obtain unexpected benefits of personal growth
    • Counselling: consult a professional to help you and your partner to strengthen your relationship and to individually learn to better cope with your situation
    • Spiritual support: focus on your faith, and call in support to help you through this time

Wanneer pappa ‘n kind voortrek…

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Meeste ouers hanteer elkeen van hul kinders op verskillende maniere, en hierdie kan ‘n goeie ding wees, omdat kinders se talente en persoonlikhede verskil. Maar wanneer een kind meer aandag kry as ‘n ander, kan dit baie detrimenteel wees vir die kind wat aan die agter speen suig. Die persepsie dat ma of pa een kind beter hanteer verhoog die kanse dat die ander kind rook, drink of dwelms gebruik, het nuwe navorsing bewys. Verdere nagevolge sluit in emosionele-gedrags probleme soos anti-sosiale en aggresiewe gedrag, asook laer kognitiewe prestasie. Dit is dus kardinaal dat verandering in die gesin plaasvind.

Hier is ‘n paar wenke wat julle as gesin kan toepas om voortrekkery te verminder:

  • Moedig jou man aan om elke kind se sterkpunte en talente te identifiseer, end an daarop te fokus en hul prestasies en pogings hierin te prys.
  • Probeer om kompetisie tussen jou seuns af te skaf. Moedig hulle aan om verskillende na-skoolse aktiwiteite te doen, sodat daar nie tussen die twee vergelyk word nie.
  • Skep geleentheid vir jou man om met jou jonger seun kwaliteit tyd alleen te spandeer. Hulle kan gaan fliek, of iets pret saam doen soos “ten-pin-bowling”.
  • Addresseer die saak op ‘n sensitiewe manier (sonder om emosioneel of aanvallend te raak) met jou man wanneer hy kalm is, en probeer om voorbeelde te gebruik sodat hy die impak van sy gedrag op die kinders kan verstaan.
  • Wees ook bewus van hoe jy moontlik voortrekkery aanmoedig. Probeer jy dalk oorkompenseer met jou jongste kind, en skeep jy dalk sodoende jou oudste af?

Post-natale depressie of Baby Blues?

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Omtrent 8 uit elke 10 mammas voel hartseer, angstig, huilerig en teneergedruk nadat hul babas gebore word. Hierdie is absoluut normaal, en kan gewoonlik verduidelik word deur die groot hormonale veranderinge wat jou liggaam ondergaan in daai eerste ruk nadat jou baba gebore is. Hierdie word genoem die baba “blues” en behoort nie langer as ‘n paar weke te duur nie. As jy egter na ‘n paar weke steeds hierdie simptome ervaar, kan dit dalk ‘n teken wees dat jy aan post-natale depressie lei. Ander simptome van post-natale depressie sluit in:

  • Min belangstelling en negatiewe gevoel teenoor baba
  • Min energie en motivering
  • Veranderinge in jou aptyt en/of slaap patrone
  • Gevoelens van hopeloosheid, angs of skuldgevoelens
  • Gedagtes om jouself of baba seer te maak

Indien jy enige van die bogenoemde simptome ervaar, moet jy so gou as moontlik jou dokter of sielkundige raadpleeg. Probeer ook om op ander te steun tydens hierdie tyd vir hulp met kleinding en huis take. Probeer om elke dag tyd te maak vir jouself en iets te doen wat jou goed laat voel en maak seker dat jy genoeg slaap kry (al is dit gedurende die dag). Probeer om gereeld in die buitelug te kom, en ligte oefening te doen, om seker te maak dat goeie endorfiene in jou liggaam sirkuleer. Daar is ook heelwat ondersteningsgroepe beskikbaar wat spesifiek gemik is op nuwe mammas. Dis belangrik dat jy jou emosies met ander deel.

Hoe om jou man meer betrokke te kry by kindersorg…

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Om ouer te wees vir ‘n nuwe baba is vir meeste ouers ‘n oorweldigende taak. Meeste mans voel onbekwaam, ongemaklik en onseker wanneer dit kom by baba sorg en dit is normaal. Maar baba het betrokkenheid van albei ouers nodig. Navorsing wys die volgende:

  • Kinders vorder beter akademies as pa meer betrokke in hul lewens is van ‘n vroee ouderdom
  • Seuns wat in ‘n huis grootword waar pa nie baie betrokke is nie, ervaar meer angs emosies
  • Mans wat meer gereeld betrokke is by huis en kinder take word geassosieer met vrouens wat meer geinteresserd is in seks

Hier is ‘n paar wenke vir jou om vir pa meer betrokke met babasorg te kry:

  • Moenie vergeet om tyd op mekaar te fokus nie. As manlief gewardeer en belangrik voel, sal hy meer gemotiveer voel om jou met kleinding te help.
  • Wees simpatiek teenoor jou man en hoe hy hierdie nuwe rol ervaar. Praat met hom oor sy ouerskap vrese en emosies.
  • Moet hom nie die heeltyd regwys as hy met baba werk nie. As hy voel dat hy alles verkeerd doen, gaan hy minder betrokke wil wees en al die takies eenvoudig net oorhandig. Wees eerde ondersteunend in jou kommunikasie voor jy ‘n “ek weet beter” siening inneem.
  • Wanneer hy met baba help, maak seker dat jy vir hom se hoe baie jy dit wardeer.
  • Gesels oor julle skedules en bespreek praktiese maniere hoe julle vir mekaar “vrye tyd” kan gee
  • Besef dat hy ‘n lang dag van werk agter die rug het, en baie moeg huis toe kom. Hierdie is nie ‘n verskoning vir hom om alle baba take weg te wys nie, maar jou empatie daarmee sal ‘n lang pad gaan.
  • Fokus meer op seks. Nuwe pa’s voel dikwels afgeskeep in hul rol as man, en fisiese intimiteit sal die konneksie tussen julle versterk en daarom ook indirek die konneksie met baba.
  • Praat positief oor jou man en veral oor sy rol as pa voor ander mense. Hierdie sal sy vertroue as pa opstoot.
  • Maak pa verantwoordelik vir sekere dele van die roetine, byvoorbeeld badtyd. Baba sal in die begin moontlik daarteen stoei en vir mamma soek, maar hou net aan hiermee.

 

 

 

 

My kinders baklei konstant! Hoe nou?

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Baklei onder broers en susters is ‘n normale deel van meeste huishoudings en dryf meeste ouers teen die mure op. Die belangrikste faktor is die benadering van ouers in hierdie situasies. Hier is ‘n paar praktiese wenke:

  • Moet nooit jou kinders vergelyk nie, en ontmoedig hulle om vergelykings te maak. Spreek elke kind se unieke behoeftes individueel aan en stel individuele doelwitte vir elke kind. Gee ook baie individuele aandag.
  • Moet nooit kant kies of probeer om die kind te straf wat die oorsaak van die bakleiery was nie. Daar moet gevolge wees vir almal wat betrokke was.
  • Hou honger en moeg kinders van mekaar af weg.
  • Gee ook aandag aan goeie gedrag, en moenie jou kinders ignoreer wanneer hulle soet saam speel nie.
  • Gryp in voor jou kinders verveeld raak en begin baklei. Gee aandag en hou hulle geinteresserd met aktiwiteite voor hulle baklei.
  • Maak seker dat elke kind genoeg persoonlike spasie kry. Hulle hoef nie alles te deel. Maak veral ‘n plan om hul in die motor af te sonder. Gee byvoorbeeld vir elkeen sy eie DVD speler of speelding, sodat hulle nie daaroor hoef te baklei nie.
  • Leer jou kinders basiese probleem oplossings vaardighede en dinkskrum saam jou kinders oor oplossings tot probleme wat hulle na jou toe bring.
  • Dwing reels van respek af:  “in ons huis is ons nie gemeen met mekaar nie, ons respekteer mekaar”. En stel reels oor die gevolge as ons mekaar disrespekteer, byvoorbeeld TV tyd wat weggeneem word.
  • Stel ‘n goeie voorbeeld en bly kalm in konflik. As julle op mekaar skree of op hulle tydens konflik gaan hulle julle gedrag net navolg.
  • Leer jou kinders om op ‘n positiewe manier uiting te gee tot hul emosies. Leer vir hulle dat woede ‘n normale emosie is, en dat hulle beslis kwaad mag word, maar dat daar aanvaarbare maniere is waarop hulle woede kan uitdruk.
  • Empatiseer met jou kinders se emosies terwyl hul baklei. Maak seker dat elkeen se emosies geidentifiseer word, maar stel ferm reels oor hul aksies teenoor mekaar, byvoorbeeld: “as sussie jou speelgoed neem raak jy baie kwaad en ek kan verstaan hoekom jy so kwaad raak. Jy kan vir sussie of vir my vertel hoe jy voel in woorde, maar jy kan haar nie slaan nie.”
  • Leer jou kinders gesonde maniere om hul woede of frustrasie te hanteer, byvoorbeeld om dromme te speel, prentjies te teken oor hoe hul voel, om ‘n diep asem te haal en te tel tot 10, ‘n kussing te slaan of na harde musiek te luister.
  • Om emosies ‘n naam te gee, is die eerste stap in die bestuur daarvan. So, help jou kinders hiermee.
  • Moedig jou kinders aan om empatie te toon teenoor ander. “Kyk na die dogtertjie. Sy lyk vir my baie kwaad. Ek wonder hoekom? Wat dink jy?” of “Boetie het seergekry. Ek wonder wat ons kan doen om hom beter te laat voel?”
  • Praat met die kind wat geslaan het in ‘n aparte kamer oor sy gedrag. Praat met hom oor sy emosies en wat hom so kwaad gemaak het dat hy sy boetie wou slaan. Gesels dan oor beter maniere om woede te hanteer en reflekteer saam oor sy emosies en aksies. Wees ferm oor die reels aangaande sy aksies, maar ook empatiek teenoor sy emosies.
  • Skep ‘n gereeld atmosfeer van waardering in julle huis. Gebruik etenstyd byvoorbeeld om vir elke kind kans te gee om iets te noem wat hy van sy familielede wardeer.
  • As jou kinders baie ontsteld is, skei hulle totdat hulle afgekoel het, en gee dan geleentheid vir hulle om dit uit te praat. Help hulle om met mekaar oor hulle emosies te praat, en hoe die aksies van die ander elkeen van hulle geaffekteer het. Vra ook elke kind hoe hulle dink hul boetie gevoel het gedurende die bakleiery om empatie te verhoog. Help hulle om hul behoeftes  en emosies uit te druk en na mekaar te luister en vra hulle dan om saam te dink aan ‘n wen/wen oplossing.

Baby-proof your marriage – how to keep the romance going

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1.       Get support

Utilise the support networks around you as soon as possible. Parents are often afraid to leave their kids with family members or babysitters early on, but this could be detrimental to your marriage. Kids actually cope better with change and separation anxiety if they are exposed to other caretakers early on. Getting a good support structure will be crucial for your relationship in the years to come.

2.       Focus on your sex life

Breastfeeding mother often experience a decrease in libido due to abnormal levels of estrogen. During this time, husbands often feel neglected and disconnected to their wives. Sexual intimacy is an important part of a healthy relationship, and should be fostered during this time. Having said that, husbands should know that getting their wives excited about sex will mean something completely different. Helping with baby or house duties will most probably have a positive effect in this regard.

3.       Have regular date nights and a weekend getaway without baby

Putting aside time for you as a couple can do wonders. Try to stay away from baby talk during these events, and imitate the experiences you had when you were first dating.

4.       Gift each other with “me time”

Because time is such a precious commodity when you have young kids, take turns treating each other with “me time”. This will make your spouse feel appreciated and cared for.

5.       Don’t keep score

When my husband and I had our son, we unconsciously started to keep score. This meant that we constantly felt cheated and resentful towards each other. Rather spend your time planning out baby duties and clearly communicating roles and expectations for each party, so that both are clear about their duties and don’t feel cheated.

6.       Regular communication is vital

Take regular time to communicate. If possible put aside 30 minutes every day to communicate with each other without any interruptions. The Imago Dialogue is a great practical process that can be used to help you communicate about the more difficult things. For more information visit www.imagoafrica.com

7.       Attend a couples workshop

I suggest to all my clients with young kids to attend a couple’s workshop as an investment into their relationship future. Couples workshops help you to refocus on what you want out of your marriage and helps to put your frustrations and hurts into perspective. It also helps you to rekindle your passion. For more information on the next Imago Couplehood workshop, click here

8.       Maintain some mystery

Couples often fall into the trap of eliminating mystery in their relationship. Sharing bathroom routines, embarrassing personal experiences and so on, should best be left to yourself.

9.       Have lots of fun and laugh together often

Couples who laugh together, stay together. Draw up a list of fun activities that you can do together (with or without baby) and plan to regularly do activities from these lists. Laughter has a great physiological effect, as it elevates the level of serotonin and dopamine (happy hormones) secreted in your body and will help you both to feel more attracted, energetic and connected with your spouse.

10.   Place your marriage first

I know baby has many needs and that baby’s needs are important, but you also need to realise that baby’s biggest need is for mom and dad to be in a safe and happy relationship as this will enable a feeling of safety and belonging within themselves. So, place your marriage first whenever possible.

11.   Make a caring behaviors list

Make a list of behaviors that your partner can display to show you that he/she cares about you. We call this a caring behaviors list. This then becomes a “cheat sheet” for your partner, so that he/she is able to display target driven behavior towards you and to ensure that it has the desirable effect. The concept of love languages is a useful tool in this regard.

12.   Regularly appreciate your partner

A recent Berkeley study has shown that couples who display regular appreciations towards each other are less likely to break up in the next nine months and experience a deeper commitment towards the relationship. Create a time in your daily routine where you can offer small appreciations towards each other on a regular basis (i.e. at the dinner table, just before going to bed etc.).

13.   Get your kids in a routine asap

The quicker you are able to establish a routine the better for your marriage. This will assist you in managing expectations and making couple time. It will also help you both to cope with the demands of kids, work, home, family and so on.

 

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10 ways to navigate the beginning stages of a relationship

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Couples move through different stages throughout their relationship cycle. We expect the romance phase of our relationship to continue forever, but this is not realistic. When couples fall in love, they experience a “chemical high” because they have elevated levels of “happy hormones” such as dopamine and serotonin. They therefore feel sexier, more romantic and more attracted to the person they are dating. But the “chemical high” cannot be sustained. At some point they start to move into a committed relationship phase and as trust and commitment increases, their hormone levels will start to normalise, and some of the “in love” feelings and experiences will start to reduce.

When this happens, couples often find themselves frustrated with their partners and they experience regular power struggles. If these “power struggles” become too painful or frustrating they are likely to exit out of the relationship either physically or emotionally. But this is not the only option. If couples are able to i) explore their individualities within the safety of their relationships, ii) express their aliveness and passion within the relationship, iii) understand and express their needs, and intentionally focus on fulfilling the needs of their partners and iv) take responsibility for the baggage they bring into the relationship, then they can move into the next relationship stage of re-romanticising. This stage is characterised by feelings of aliveness connectedness and passion.

1. Settle past baggage

Work on settling old hurts, emotions and pains, so that you do not allow self-defeating thoughts to enter your new relationship. If you have experienced great hurt in past relationships, you might require the assistance of a therapist to help you work through the pain caused by past relationships.

2.       Get clear about your expectations and what you want for your relationship

I suggest to couples attending my pre-marital workshop, to regularly communicate their expectations regarding the relationship with their partners. This can be done early on in a relationship to determine if you are compatible as a couple. After a few months, you can start to develop a relationship vision that addresses the dreams and hopes that you have for your future relationship, as this will be your guiding compass.

3.       Pay attention to the needs and emotions of the person you’re dating

Try to tune into the emotions, thoughts and feelings of the person you are dating. Chances are that they are quite the opposite of you, as opposites attract. And you cannot assume that they think or feel the same way you do. So, the sooner you understand their needs and thoughts, the better.

4.       Have real, face to face interaction

Many couples start their dating journey online. This could be a useful way to meet new people, but it is definitely not a good way to build a good relationship. Though sms’s and emails can be used to send thoughtful message to the person you’re dating, it cannot replace physical connection and face-to-face interaction.

5.       Don’t move too fast…. Take time to build a good foundation

Relationships that start out in a frenzy, often burn out quickly. Use enough time to get to know each other and don’t get too clingy too soon. If you feel that you are moving too fast, talk to your partner about your fears and overwhelming feelings and talk about how you can set up a good foundation by taking one step at a time. Research shows that couples who live together before getting married are more likely to divorce or, if they remain together, experience poor marital satisfaction.

6.       Keep your individuality

Couples that have healthy individual identities, usually have healthy relationships. Symbiotic relationships are usually riddled with feelings of anger, because we expect our partners to think exactly like we do. So, foster your other relationships and interests.

7.       Give each other enough space

“Space” might mean something different to different people. So whether you encourage your partner to spend time with his friends, or draw your girlfriend a warm bath so she can spend time in solitude, figure out what your partner needs to not feel smothered. According to research some distance in a relationship can actually fuel passion, so creating healthy distance can build up your relationship for the future.

8.       Don’t be too lavish with gifts

I had friends who for the first year of their relationship had extravagant celebrations of every monthly anniversary. They would buy expensive gifts for each other every month. The excitement bar was set so high, that maintaining it was just not possible. The trick is to allow the relationship to develop slowly and not for it to fizzle out too soon. Spoiling your partner is a great way to fuel the relationship forward, just do it in moderation.

9.       Don’t push sex too quickly

Couples often leap into the next step in a relationship without looking objectively at the odds of the relationship succeeding because of the rush of passion experienced. Research done by Cornell University has shown that having sex early (within a month of dating) relates to poorer relationship outcomes for both men and women.

10.   Talk A LOT…. Listen more

All relationship experts agree on the importance of communication for any intimate relationship. If you want your relationship to last, talk to your partner about your thoughts, dreams, feelings and fears. If you want it to last and be great, spend even more time listening to your partner.

For more information, please click here

How to get the love you want

Do you want to get what you want out of you relationship?

Do you want to feel deeply connected to your partner?

Do you want to have lots of passion and fun in your relationship?

how-to-fix-a-relationship-happy-couple  black-woman-on-black-man1  happy-couple-1

Then the Imago Couplehood course is just what you need….

Imago relationship therapy is practiced by over 2000 therapists worldwide and is one of the top  relationship therapy processes in the world. It incorporates over 30 years of research in the relationship field.

What to expect:

•Learn communication skills that will foster understanding, empathy and safety
•Understand the conflicts and frustrations in your relationship and learn how to deal with them
•Learn how to initiate, rekindle and maintain fun and passion in your relationship
•Identify & discuss the influence of childhood on your relationship
•Work on how to be in a fulfilling relationship where both parties’ needs are met
•Practical tools and processes to use in your relationship
cost
For bookings or enquiries please fill in the below form

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